The Hokey-Pokey and Cap'n Crunch
by Hera Lirambar
Summary: Sequel to If the Fellowship contained only elves. Mysterious stranger interrupts their party with *disturbing* news! Beware of moronicity, cuckooness and other words which do not exist!
1. Yup, it's the first chapter. Chapters a...

Disclaimer- One who says stuff. Get it, Dis- 'claimer? Get it!? Oh, nevermind.  
  
By- Crazy Cat Lady  
  
Everyone was singing. Except for Frodo and Gandalf. They were arguing for which is the better style of dancing- the funky chicken or break dancing.  
  
"Mawari ni itsu mo otoko-tachi…" sang Cris, the really crazy murder- obsessed elf. Then her friend Mel joined in. Then Leoglas. Then Elrond. Then Boromir. But he was off key, so they killed him again. Then Gandalf. They had decided that the best style of dancing was the hokey-pokey, But sudden-Lee, Cris screamed: "AUGH! IT'S MAGNETO! SAVE ME, GAMBIT!"  
  
Everyone looked confused because Gambit wasn't in the X-Men movie.  
  
"I like traffic lights. I like traffic lights, but only when they're green…" sang Sam in a monotone. Frodo joined him, and so did many others in a conga line. No, I don't know how you can conga to that song! Do it yourself and find out, and stop asking me so many questions! *Runs away, runs back*  
  
Anyway, the following occurred: Cris kissed Elrond, Elrond screamed, Mercuria did the hokey-pokey, as taught by Frodo, Merry and Pippin put glitter on their nails, and Legolas walked on the ceiling.  
  
"Lego, get down from there!" Mel screamed. Actually, it was not a scream, but scream was the first word that come to my head.  
  
"But I am not on the ceiling. You are," Lego replied. And everyone fell up onto the ceiling, which was really the floor, with Lego. That bit because their CD player was on the ground.  
  
"Noooooooooooo, now we can't listen to The Matrix soundtrack!" cried Trinity.  
  
"Noooooooooooo!" Elrond joined in on the "Noooooooooooo!"-ing. Cris, Frodo, and Sam did as well, but Cris screamed it about fifty octaves higher. After all the shattered windows were replaced, a mysterious sparkly tall person, who was not literally sparkly, but figuratively, broke into one of them.  
  
"It's a turtle!" screamed Rubi.  
  
"No, it's my mom!" screamed Boromir.  
  
"No, it's Frodo!" screamed Talon, even though Frodo was stadnding right next to him.  
  
"No, it's that one creepy guy who works at Blockbuster with the buzz cut and lazy eye!" screamed Cris, who, like the author she is based off of, liked making up people.  
  
The mysterious sparkly tall person, who was not literally sparkly, but figuratively, chose that moment to spoke. He said, "Yo."  
  
Everyone gasped.  
  
"I am Thomas Jefferson."  
  
Everyone sneezed.  
  
"I have come to deliver a message."  
  
Everyone laughed.  
  
"Remember how Sauron made another ring that made people's clothes disappear?"  
  
Everyone sang.  
  
"Well, you still have to destroy it."  
  
Everyone hiccuped. Tom could see he was getting nowhere, so he took out a M.C. Hammer type megaphone, and shouted the message which he had to deliver. But all this did was make everyone get up and dance. So Tom went to the nearest person, (Celeborn) and whacked him with a frying pan.  
  
"…………………..Ow." said Celeborn, after two hours, thirty mintues, fifteen seconds, and six nanoseconds. Then he fell over. Tom spoke up.  
  
"Cap'n Crunch for all!" he exclaimed, because I thought of another word in place of "screamed".  
  
"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" shouted everyone, except Sméagol, who shouted "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"  
  
"No, Sméagol, 'Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!', not 'Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!'", Boromir corrected the exclamation-forking up… thing.  
  
Tom made his presence known again. "I will give you Cap'n Crunch if you destroy the other one ring."  
  
"Okay Tom. But first, we should introduce ourselves," said Trinity. So they did, but they had to remind Cris that she was no longer Philip Lombard.  
  
"Heeeey, why isn't this in script format?" asked Elrond. The question remained unanswered, as everyone was leaving for The Mines of Moria. Why Moria? Cos it's fun to say. Moria, Moria, Moria. Come, say it with me. MORIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"Amigo!" shouted Legolas at the door.  
  
"Wrong language," said Gimli, who is in this fic now. "Mellon!"  
  
"Aw, shibby!" shouted Legolas, for no reason. No, he must have had a reason. Oh, I know! It was because Frodo was eaten by Bill the pony. No, Bill wasn't with them. He was at the party, singing along, but left when the mysterious sparkly tall person, who was not literally sparkly, but figuratively, AKA Thomas Jefferson, AKA Tom appeared. Well, then why the heck did he say "Shibby"?  
  
Preview for next chapter:  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Dude"  
  
Cris ran with scissors.  
  
"Mmmmm, pie."  
  
Whoaaaa, pipeweed is da shiznat!  
  
So stay tuned or a balrog will step on everyone. 


	2. Where did Tom go? The author broke the ...

Disclaimer- Hey look, it's Smaug!  
  
You- "Where?"  
  
Me- "Oh, my mistake."  
  
You- "Wait, what am I here for?"  
  
Me- "Beats me. Wanna grab a coffee?"  
  
You- "Uhh..."  
  
Me- "Heheheh"  
  
You- "O_o"  
  
By- Daffy  
  
Legolas and Gimli stared at each other. I feel sorry for Lego. No, they were not having a staring contest, although they did have the idea. Gimli wanted to know why Lego said "Shibby", and Lego wasn't gonna tell!  
  
Lego finally said, "Thou whoreson motley-minded hempweed!"  
  
"I believe it's `hempseed'," Mel corrected him as she took away his book o' Shakespeare.  
  
"Yes, Hempseed good," Lego droned, losing all knowledge of verbs.  
  
"Dude!" everyone learned why Lego said "Shibby". There was a strange man with a blue hat. They all stood around with their mouths hanging open. Cris finally realized what she had to do.  
  
"CRUNCHATIZE ME, CAP'N!" she screamed, (Noo, not the dreaded screaming! Yes, yes, the screaming! Auuughrgplgphlpglh.....*Melts into puddle*) O_O.  
  
Where were we before the unknown person melted? (Let's say it was Gimli. He made Mel mad cos he was starin' at Lego when she coulda been.) At this Mel promptly stated: "Ha-ha."  
  
Then Pippin shouted: "Happy Valentines Day!" and kissed everyone. Why? Because. Now go away. No, wait! I didn't mean that! Oh pleeeease don't leave me, it's dark and cold and that orc over there's looking at me funny...  
  
"Orc?" Lego repeated the author.  
  
"Orc," Elrond nodded.  
  
"Orc?" Talon repeated Elrond.  
  
"Orc," Trinity nodded.  
  
"Orc?" And this basically went on sooo long that the orc just left with the Cap'n and everyone cried cos they missed their chance to get crunchatized. Then Cris ran with scissors. See, I told you she would. But she stabbed Boromir. Boromir said, "Ouch, you suck!" and Cris laughed at him.  
  
"'Never run with scissors', dumbest phrase I've ever heard!" Mercuria laughed.  
  
Sam stabbed her with Cris's scissors. Mercuria accused Sam of sucking as well.  
  
"No! Bad hobbit!" Cris smacked Sam's wrist. "No stabbing guests! And get your own damn scissors!" Luckily, Mercuria didn't die because if I killed her off, that would just not be nice of me, now would it? BTW, Mercuria, if you want to leave, I'll understand. Heck, I'll even come with ya!  
  
"No, you can't go, you're the author!" everyone yelled.  
  
Damn.  
  
Anywhozit, Mercuria lived, they all ate pie,  
  
"Mmmm, pie!"  
  
and Boromir died cos killing him is fun cos you can do it over and over and he keeps coming ba- Oh, wait it isn't fun. In fact, there he is right now.  
  
"Where!?" said everyone. Then they all fell over. Whoaa, pipeweed is da shiznat! Or whatever.  
  
"I think I see him! Not wait, it's not!" said Rubi. She actually saw- *gasp* A cave troll!  
  
Everyone stood around waiting for her to say the line.  
  
"What?" Rubi looked at them.  
  
"Say the line! Say `They have a cave troll'!"  
  
"No, that's Boromir's line!"  
  
"Screw him!'  
  
Merry shook his head. "If that author tells us to screw one more thing I'll-"  
  
You'll what? Oooo, I'm shaking. No really, I'm I should cut back on the coffee. *Spills steaming hot cup on keyboard* $&%$! The key between the I and P br- breaked. Can I write this any further? Let's see.  
  
Fr- the h- the halfling said the line. "They have a cave t- ugly thing!" Well, as best as he was able with a "breaked" key.  
  
All t- taked a break and waited as the au- writer fixed the key.  
  
Preview fr next chapter:  
  
"I lve yu Celebrn!"  
  
"Augh, get away frm me yu fag!"  
  
Hly crap.  
  
S true.  
  
"Wh the hell is Philip Lmbard?"  
  
"I am!"  
  
"N YU ARE NT!"  
  
"YES I AM! HAHA!"  
  
Except in the next chapter, all letters will be included. 


	3. Boromir is my temporary replacement.

Disclaimer- "I'm going to die." Me in P.E. class  
  
By- Leathanyn  
  
Mel sudden-Lee got an idea. An awful idea! Mel got a wonderful, awful idea! Wait, that's not right. Well, Mel's idea was this:  
  
To steal Gandalf's cloak and impersonate Batman, thus confusing the troll until it decided to give up and eat pie with them.  
  
So she did. Except, she got a little mixed up, and what happened was this:  
  
She stole the troll and impersonated a pie, thus confusing Gandalf and eating his cloak.  
  
Then Legolas pulled out a wine bottle and he smashed it! *Sound of a foot stomping is heard* Ahem, smashed it! *Sound of rooster cock-a-doodle-dooing is heard* I said SMASHED IT! *Sound of toilet flushing is heard* That's it, I can't work under these conditions! *Sound of car door slamming and plane taking off is heard*  
  
"Well, what do you know, the sound effects got right." Sam said.  
  
"Oh, drat, the author left," Aragorn said.  
  
"First time I've ever seen an author be more scared of a fic than the characters," Frodo observed.  
  
"So true, my good adorable-eyed hobbit,' said Cris. "Now who will write the fic?"  
  
"Me!" Boromir raised his hand.  
  
And so Boromir set to work writing this fic. But calling myself Boromir is just crazy, ya know, cos that'd be talking in, um, third person. And only Sméagol does that. (Where is he now, anyway?) What was I saying? Cris is cool, definitely cool. But she keeps killing me and telling others to, too. Hehehe, tutu. Elrond's a bitch, but you knew that already, right? I like Frodo. But, I think everyone does, actually. I'M SO SORRY I TRIED TO TAKE THE RING, FRODO! OH PUH-LEEEEZE FORGIVE MEEEE! I AM SOO STUPID! STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!  
  
It was at about this point that the rest of the characters told me to get on with it.  
  
Oh, sorry. Let's see. Lego smashed a wine bottle. Then we all got mad at him for destroying good wine.  
  
"You idiot!" they all yelled.  
  
"Kill the elf!" shouted one of them. I forget which one. What, do you expect me to be paying attention to everything? I'm only human. Unlike the old author, she was oh so perfect wasn't she? And I'm crap compared to her, aren't I?  
  
"We were gonna say we liked you better, but if you don't stopping whining, we'll take it back!" Merry yelled at me.  
  
Sorry again. Someone said "Kill the elf" but someone else said "No!" and the first person said "Why?" and the second person said "Look" and they all looked and there were about a million Lego fans with pitchforks.  
  
"Just kidding!" person one said. But Lego, that clever elf, he had hidden away a bizillion bottles of wine! And everyone had some. Except me. They said the author had to stay sober. Hmph.  
  
"I love you, Celeborn!" Lego lost his balance and fell into Celeborn's arms.  
  
"Augh, get away from me you fag!" Celeborn pushed him away like he was a snake and actually pushed him off the cliff. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, we were next to a cliff. Holy crap, Lego's been killed. That's not good. Yep, so true. Wait, he's NOT dead!  
  
The Lego fans cheered.  
  
"Hey look, at me!" said Lego, who jumping up and down. Eventually they looked over and saw he had landed on a tramopoline.  
  
"Dude, tramopoline!" Trinity cheered.  
  
"Schweet!" Mercuria agreed.  
  
"Yeah, schweet, Mricuiera!" Talon said.  
  
"It's Mercuria!" she shouted to him. "M-E-R-C-" she paused to look at her name tag, "-U-R-I-A!"  
  
Hehehe, I copied that from a comedian. But his last name was Behrendt, I think. Don't trust me though, I can usually bearly remember my own name.  
  
"PLAGERIST!" Cris killed me. But I came back. Haha. And then I decided they should all meet my dead buddies! Starting with... Thomas Jefferson!  
  
"Hey look, Tom's back!" Elrond cheered. "Where's our Cap'n Crunch?"  
  
Tom socked Elrond. No fair, `twas my turn to do that. Ahem. Prince Diamond from Sailor Moon! Nephlyte, also from Sailor Moon! That fly I just squished! Philip Lombard!  
  
"Who the hell is Philip Lombard?" Rubi asked.  
  
`I AM!" Cris screamed.  
  
"NO YOU ARE NOT!" Mel told her.  
  
"YES I AM! HAHA!" Cris said. "I AM A PANTHER! MUHUHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"In that case, I am a weasel!" Elrond said.  
  
"Yeay!" Cris said. "Galadriel, pick an animal to be!"  
  
"Pelican!"  
  
"Mel!'  
  
"Rabbit!'  
  
"Talon!"  
  
"Fox!'  
  
And this continued. But soon, no-one could hear what animal anyone decided to be because everyone else was making animal noises. Ahem, moo! Moo, moo. moo. Hmm, maybe as the author, I should stay human. Well, let's take a break as we wait for the characters to stop playing animals.  
  
Preview for next chapter:  
  
"Once upon a midnight ride of Paul Revere."  
  
"I think I see the exit!"  
  
How many elves does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  
  
Okay, who else is as scared as I am?  
  
ZzzzzZzzZ...... 


	4. Many authors and further proof Boromir i...

Disclaimer- Cat litter.  
  
By- Vera Lombard  
  
Once upon a midnight ride of Paul Revere we were in Moria. STILL? Hey wait, I'm the author! If I want something, I can just write it in! Okay, here goes.  
  
"I think I see the exit!" Rubi said. Because we were near the exit! Cool, huh?  
  
And thus the Fellowship suddenly escaped Moria.  
  
"Where are we?" Mercuria asked.  
  
"Beats the crap out of me," Cris answered.  
  
So we walked around this strange place called Beetsthacrapowtofme for a while, and I have nooo idea what we were doing there. Maybe we were gonna destroy the ring- THE RING! DUH! OH, GOD, I'M SO STUPID! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE? If I'm the author, I can just take the ring! Wait- I have to find something out first.  
  
"Who has the ring?" I asked.  
  
"I do!" said Celeborn. Poor, stupid, Celeborn. Muhahaha. I took the ring from Celeborn!  
  
"Hey, how'd you do that?" Celeborn asked.  
  
"Simple!" I explained. "I just wrote it in! I'm the author, after all!"  
  
"Hey wait, is that the ring that makes a person's clothes disappear?" Trinity asked.  
  
Everyone nodded.  
  
"THEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BOROMIR, DON'T PUT IT ON!" Galadriel shielded her eyes.  
  
I looked at the ring. So pretty… And it would look so pretty on me. I started to slip it on my finger…  
  
"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!" everyone ran away.  
  
"You guys, come back!" I shouted. "I'm not cruel! Need I remind you, I'm the author. If I want something to happen, or in this case, not happen, I can just write it in!"  
  
They all came back.  
  
"Whoa, Boromir makes sense for once!" Elrond said.  
  
"Thanks, I think," I replied. "How many elves does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"  
  
"I take it back," Elrond said.  
  
I knew I shouldn'ta started rambling.  
  
"But if you decided the ring would not affect you, why did you write in that your clothes would be… that?" Cris asked. I looked at what I was wearing. A DRESS? WHAT THE HECK? This is Elrond's department!  
  
"Um, heheh, it must've gotten mixed up cos I didn't specify what I was wearing," I said. I am wearing my regular clothes. "That's better."  
  
"I agree," Frodo said.  
  
"Frodo, weren't we supposed to destroy the ring?" Sam asked.  
  
"NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE MY SNOOKUMS!" I screamed.  
  
"'Snookums'?" Mel repeated. "Don't you mean precious?"  
  
"That was with the one ring," I explained. "This other one ring is called snookums."  
  
Everyone blinked at me. The Frodo and Sam and Merry and Pippin started whispering to each other. Now they are walking away. I think I will follow them.  
  
Many days (probably longer than that) later, we were at the top a volcano.  
  
"Where are we?"  
  
"Mount Doom," Merry said.  
  
"Hey, how did you read my thoughts?" I asked.  
  
"You put them in quotation marks," Frodo explained.  
  
"So I did."  
  
"Now throw the ring into the fire," he continued.  
  
"NO! I'LL NEVER LET GO! I'LL NEVER LET GO, JACK- I mean-"  
  
"Shut up! Or I sick the fangirl on you!" Frodo pulled a random fangirl out from out of nowhere.  
  
"Okay I'll throw it in!… Um, guys? It's stuck on my finger."  
  
Then the hobbits started whispering again. I wanna know what they're saying, but they're talking too quiet. So, I'll hand them the pencil. But, I'm tying a string around it, and I'm gonna hold the string so I can take the pencil back when I want. Okay, I'm giving the pencil to Frodo…  
  
"It's stuck on his finger, now what?" Sam said.  
  
"Why don't we just push him in?" Pippin asked.  
  
"We can't do that, you know it!" Merry said.  
  
"I do?" Pippin looked confused.  
  
"Don't you think Elrond woulda just pushed Isildur in?" I told him.  
  
"I see."  
  
"Hey, Boromir's coming this way," Sam said to me.  
  
I got impatient. This is Boromir again, BTW. Frodo writes too slowly. Hey, they've stopped whispering, and they're all standing up. What are they doing?  
  
"Put your right hand in," Frodo sang, and put his right hand in. "Put your right hand out. Put your right hand in, and ya shake it all about. You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about!"  
  
I realized the other three had joined him. They are now on the left hand. I have this sudden urge to join in. So I joined in.  
  
Later…  
  
"Put your whole self in-" we all sang. But I looked around and realized I was the only one who did so. The four hobbits stood on the edge of Mount Doom and waved. Frodo snatched my pencil as I fell into the volcano.  
  
"Boromir go down the hoooooole," Pippin grinned.  
  
And then us four no- we four- no- the four of us- started down the mountain back to the fellowship.  
  
"Frodo, give the pen to someone else. You write too slow," Sam said. So I gave it to Legolas.  
  
Hee hee hee, I have an idea. Girlmeowth suddenly entered the story, and was chased around by Gimli.  
  
"Why are you doing this to me?" she cried.  
  
"Payback for all the fan characters chasing after me!" I explained.  
  
"I'm not obsessed with you!" Girlmeowth protested.  
  
"Then who is?" I asked, pulling Gimli away. Everyone pointed at Mel. "Oh, right." Hold on, I'm getting another idea. Girlmeowth is now being oggled by Arwen.  
  
"Now what!?" Girlmeowth whined.  
  
"Payback for all the slash fics about me!" Legolas said.  
  
Girlmeowth rolled her eyes. "I don't write slash!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
This is Girlmeowth again. I took the pencil back, although not before pointing it at Legolas in a threatening manner. Don't worry, I wouldn't really hurt him, not with all these pitchfork wielding Lego fans around. They now have frying pans. Okay, who else is as scared as I am? Hmm, should I bring back Boromir?  
  
Preview for next chapter:  
  
Cows, cows, and more cows.  
  
"I saw an alien and it stole my cookie! I'm telling!"  
  
Ritz- little edible plates!  
  
"Hey, that bug just winked at me!"  
  
"It's a spider, so it's an arac- arach- arak-"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"And Gollum shows the way right out" -Blind Guardian. 


	5. Cris and Mel's own Fellowship made up th...

Disclaimer- Inspired by the awe-inspiring Legolas and Aragorn's Journey by the awesome Jackass.  
  
By- Me a pony.  
  
The Fellowship sat around for quite some time, trying to figure what to do, when Legolas suddenly exclaimed, "Hey, where did Boromir go to at?"  
  
"…'Go to at'?" reapeated Elrond.  
  
"I figured if a sentence ended in two prepositions, they would cancel each other out."  
  
"…Makes sense, I guess."  
  
Frodo jumped up. "He fell into Mount Doom!"  
  
"Then we must get him out of the fiery chasm in which he fell!" Elrond said.  
  
"Yes, but we don't have enough people to help us!" shouted Cris.  
  
Everyone looked around, confused. There was Cris, Mel, Legolas, Elrond, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Aragorn, Arwen, Celebrian, Celeborn, Galadriel, Tom Bombadil, Bilbo, Gandalf, Treebeard, Rosie, Eowyn, Eomer, Boromir- oh, wait, not Boromir, Rubi, Talon, Mercuria, Trinity, Gimli- no, not him, either, um, I guess that's about it. (Many of these characters will have little to no lines.)  
  
Mel agreed with her. "Before we joined this fellowship, either of us, ever, even before the one to do destroy the one one ring-"  
  
"The one-one one ring?" asked Merry.  
  
"The one-one-one ring," Mel nodded. "Anyway, before all that, Cris and I had our own Fellowship."  
  
Six ladies and a dude magically appear. Three Amazons come up.  
  
"Tweezer."  
  
"Bam-Bam."  
  
"Murphy."  
  
A hobbit came up.  
  
"Ducky."  
  
A pan came up.  
  
"Phoenix."  
  
Two fairies came up.  
  
"Spud."  
  
Spud was the dude.  
  
"Elijah."  
  
"Why does that name sound familiar?" asked Frodo to no-one in particular.  
  
Murphy, who seemed to be the leader, when Cris and Mel weren't around, spoke up. "We need to go into a place called Really Creepy Dark Tree Branches Look Like Hands Trying To Grab You I Think There Is A Stalker In The Bushes Forest-"  
  
"'Really Creepy Dark Tree Branches Look Like Hands Trying To Grab You I Think There Is A Stalker In The Bushes Forest'?" repeated Mercuria. "But that place is crawling with creepy stuff! If you get eaten, I'm going to laugh at you."  
  
Murphy continued. "When we get there, we need to travel southeast, stepping on all red pebbles. Then, once we have stepped on thirty each, we must say 'Oompa Loompas are KEEEEEEEEN!' then jump through a hole which will magically appear in the ground. We will land in a post office, and have to fight off a hydra. Once we have beat the hydra, we must stick Sting into it's eye and pull out a magic key with an onyx at the end. The key will be put into the Desk Drawer of Wonders and then we'll get out a camera. We'll take a picture of ourselves altogether wearing Mickey Mouse hats. The picture will not be a picture, but rather, a map. The map will be of 18th century Boston, Massachusetts. We will dress as polar bears and throw pepsi into the water while the dudes dressed as Indians are throwing in tea. The tea and pepsi will meet, and will go BOOM, and everyone will be blasted to Planet Saturn. On Saturn there will be a collection of cds. We must get the third one on the top shelf of the eighth section of the fifth row. We will play it in the CD Player of Wonders at the loudest volume. It will wake up everyone, and everyone will beg us to stop it, and even offer us money. When we get a billion dollars, we will half of it for yen, a fourth of it for pesos, and the rest for picture frames. We will use the yen to buy pocky, the pesos to buy hot sauce, then rub the pocky together until it turns into a fire. Then we will add the hot sauce, and it will turn into a bonfire. We will throw in the picture frames, and cows, cows, and more cows will appear. They will make us get a pair of shoes for them. So we will get some sample cookies from a bakery, sell them for money, then use the money to buy some kick-butt high-heeled boots. We will give the boots to the cows, and they will give us a scanner. We will hook it up to a computer, then scan a picture of Sailor Moon. Then we'll print it out negative. We will put it under the Waterfall of Wonders, and the colors will run together to form the word 'Shiny', and it will attract thousands of bugs, because they like that word. They will carry us to their palace, and the bug king will give us two doors to other dimensions. One will lead to outer space, the other to Rivendell. We'll go to outer space first and sing a song. We'll attract a martian. It will come with us to Rivendell and sing with us. The elves will be attracted by the martian singing and make it their new leader. They will thank us for their new leader by giving us a piece of magic rope, and will use the rope to pull out Boromir!" Murphy looked around proudly.  
  
No-one said anything, just looked around, shocked. Sam finally shouted "I saw an alien and it stole my cookie! I'm telling!" Then they all ate crackers. Ritz- little edible plates!  
  
"Oh, no! You're copying comedians, too!?" Cris yelled at Girlmeowth. What? It's not like I'm taking credit for it.  
  
"Couldn't we just ask the elves for the magic rope and skip all that other stuff?" Trinity asked.  
  
"No, because it's oh-so-much fun this way!" Cris smirked.  
  
"Hey, that bug just winked at me!" Aragorn shrieked.  
  
"It's a spider, so it's an arac- arach- arak-" Legolas said.  
  
"Shut up." Aragorn got himself a smack from Mel.  
  
The fellowship walks until they get to the edge of RCDTBLLHTTGYITTIASITB Forest.  
  
"Ooh, creepy," Elrond nervously began tying knots in his hair.  
  
"So that's how those knots got there," Gandalf said.  
  
There is, very creepily, a welcome mat on the ground. It is in the middle of a huge-ass foot print.  
  
"Now that's just disturbing," Mel stepped around the foot print, and the other followed her into the forest.  
  
Preview for next chapter:  
  
"Ow! Why'd you trip me?"  
  
"Pick a number, one through ten."  
  
"Um, you guys, where the heck is Boromir?"  
  
Bilbo had some weed (in a pipe) and spazzed out like in Rivendell. God, that was creepy.  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam… 


	6. The Short Crappy Excuse for a Chapter

Disclaimer- I own… EVERYTHING IN THIS FANFIC! Oh, except for Legolas, Elrond, Boromir, Aragorn, Frodo, the whole idea of The Lord of the Rings, Gollum…  
  
By- I finally finished reading the Fellowship of the Ring! Yay for me. Also, I apologize for the crappiness of this chapter.  
  
"Ow, why'd you trip me?" Sam whined as someone tripped him. "Cris, you are so mean!"  
  
"It wasn't me!" Cris exclaimed. "But don't give me any ideas."  
  
"It was me!" said Frodo.  
  
"Well, that was just weird." Mel said a few moments later.  
  
"I know, isn't it great?" Lego screamed.  
  
"Yeah!" Mel and Lego made out.  
  
A while later they were taking the martian to Rivendell, and by this time, Mel and Cris' Fellowship left.  
  
"What is your name?" asked a Rivendell elf to the martian.  
  
"Jfbyfeui," the martian answered.  
  
The elf continued. "Before we make you the master of Rivendell for when Elrond isn't here because he's too busy- I'm not saying that!"  
  
"Say iiiittt…" Cris held a bow and arrow up to him.  
  
"…Too busy making out with Cris…"  
  
Cris grinned.  
  
"…You must pick a number one through ten!"  
  
The martian looked thoughtful, then exclaimed, "Rgfwugfiao!"  
  
The elf looked pleased. "Exactly right! Seven!" he then turned to Cris. "As a gift of thanks for our new temporary leader, we will give you whatever you want!"  
  
Pippin piped up: "A cheese sandwich!"  
  
Legolas pounded his head in. "We need a rope!"  
  
So they got a rope and went to Mount Doom and got Boromir out.  
  
"Oh, I'm so glad you're alright!" Cris cried.  
  
Elrond raised an eyebrow. "It's good to see you being nice to other characters for once."  
  
Cris blinked. "Riiight." Boromir handed her a twenty.  
  
"Oh, I see." Elrond walked away.  
  
Cris waved the dollar in the air. "You think I actually wanted him back just cos?"  
  
Then they all noticed Boromir had left.  
  
"Um, you guys, where the heck is Boromir?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Who the heck cares?" Gandalf said. "Let's have some weed!"  
  
BEEP BEEEPITY BEEP BLEEE BOOP BEEP!  
  
Frodo pulled out his cell phone. "Hey, it's Bilbo! He's says come on over!"  
  
So they went to Rivendell or wherever Bilbo currently was and Bilbo had some weed (in a pipe) and spazzed out like in Rivendell. God, that was creepy. Oh wait, they're still in Rivendell. Oh, by the way, Boromir was there!  
  
"NOOO!" Aragorn wailed. "We thought we were rid of you!"  
  
"Well, you thought wrong!" Boromir exclaimed. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!- wait, then why did you get me outa Mount Doom?"  
  
Everyone shrugged, then decided to throw another party.  
  
Ned. No wait, Den. I mean, oh screw it. 


End file.
